In the words of FDR :

"This is preeminently the time to speak the truth, the whole truth, frankly and boldly. Nor need we shrink from honestly facing conditions in our country today. This great Nation will endure as it has endured, will revive and will prosper. So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance."

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 :

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

A Poetic Kind of Plea, written by me, Natalie :

As a barista, I love my coffee and tea
But above all else, I deeply care for humanity
So please, take a moment, if you could spare some time
To just view this petition, to read it, and then sign
So that when your name has been added to the thousands of other names,
It will encourage and challenge Starbucks to never again be the same

Starbucks: Offer Brewed Fair Trade Coffee Daily in U.S. Stores

All it takes to change this world are a few, like you and me,
Who support our equal right to fair trade coffee
So please, stand up and command for your voice be heard
Speak out against human trafficking - do not hesitate to spread the word!

Verbal exchanges :

"Think about what you want, not what you don't want."

"Be patient with yourself."

Books :

• I may like the idea of reading more than I actually like the act of reading. But then again, whenever I sit down with a book or a good textbook (yes, there are such things), I am reminded why I love the act of reading, and am happy to have had the idea of reading as my initial muse.
• I'm in love with my Theory & Criticism textbook.
• Here is my book list:
• Anna Karenina
• War & Peace
• The Death of Ivan Ilych
• Republic
• Utopia
• A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
• On the Road
• The Awakening
• The Call of the Wild
• Poetics
• The Diary of Anne Frank
• Man's Search For Meaning
• Where I'm Calling From
• Slaughterhouse Five
• The Inferno
• Catch 22
•  More to come...
• I am happy that professors tend to:
• a.) Willingly write me letters of recommendation
• b.) Willingly get coffee with me
• My letters of recommendation were rained on and had tea spilled on them. They are currently drying under books.

My heart chips off a piece.

The cuckoo clock :

With my time ticking away, it's crazy to think that I've had the last two months of my life to kick it. To read whatever I've wanted to read, watch whatever I've wanted to watch, to see whoever I've wanted to see.

But now it feels like the clock is moving, that I'm pushing back against the minute hands to stop it, to cease it, to push it into a pause, but it comes crashing into me, forcing me forward into the future, giving me little time to remain in the present.

I'm afraid of a few things in life, one of which include failure. The inability to use my time wisely. Time, there it is, ticking, tick tock, like a clock. But my own time, in my own head, has been wasted in some ways. But then again, it has not. This time that I have spent relaxing, regaining my strength and mental sanity, it has done a great deal of good things. I should give myself more credit.

I quit a job, got a new one. I've read three full books, dabbled in others, and collected many a dozen more. I've done some laundry here and there, have made some art. I've visited a museum, gone to San Diego, celebrated my mom's birthday, celebrated my sister's birthday, experienced Christmas and New Year's Eve and New Year's Day.

But mostly, mostly I've just rested. I've come to. I've become a person again, reviving myself, purging myself of the toxins last semester injected into me, letting them seep away, down the drain. I've absorbed people and moments and thoughts. But I just can't shake this feeling of my time, being wasted away, ticking away, losing it, grasping at it, slipping, fleeting, intangible, unknowable, precious time.

In two weeks, I start my spring semester, which will throw a full load of eighteen units my way, and will also have to keep up with my job. I don't want to dread it. I want to pray that I don't go insane or crazy or immobile. And that is is the danger of fear.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

I've never liked the tickings of those things. So for now, I will make a to-do list to complete over the next few days, and accept that each passing day is another day closer to the beginning of this coming semester, and another day closer to the end of it.